Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Strong stomach required.. a little on the gushy side

I love these. I see them on Pinterest and in boutiques and they crack me up. Because they're so true.. most of them. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love being a housewife.. a desperate housewife if you will. at times it is a thankless, draining, monotonous, emotional beating that I don't think I deserve, but I wouldn't trade spending time with my kids and taking care of my home.. well, at least spending time with my kids, for anything. And days like today make everything that I put up with worth it.

By days like today, I mean that I am in the apex of a flare up. This is the day that I need to for the most part remain motionless. Usually when this happens, it's at a THE worst time. I have laundry piled up, My 4 yr old doesn't have preschool that day and needs to climb all over me to make up for my lifelessness. Damian has meetings in the morning, then again in the evening, so no help there. That's where the picture for this post comes in, only it's not a nervous breakdown. It's a physical one. (Not that the nervous breakdown doesn't ever apply)

Today is different. Damian still had to leave extra early this morning and will be home extra late (meetings), Reese (4 yr old) doesn't have preschool, and my laundry is teetering dangerously close to the point of no return. But my wonderful daughters (10 & 9) have risen to the occasion and taken control of everything. Taking care of Reese so that she doesn't need me, getting and cleaning up breakfast, doing laundry, and making sure that their activities don't cause any extra mess. I could cry. I am so full of gratitude today and THIS is why I love being a desperate housewife. Because there is nothing more. Nothing better on this earth than having your needs in a desperate hour be taken care of by your own children. I love feeling gratitude toward them. I love that they feel needed and valued and that they are making a significant contribution. It's just a good day.

I'll briefly explain what happens when I flare up. I feel inflammation around my heart and lungs, so in other words, sharp stabbing pain in my chest.. but only when I breath, so it's not so bad. Every movement, change in position, (bending over, lifting, sitting down..) or increase in heart rate (walking, going up or down stairs, watching kids put toys away in the WRONG bin..) is manifested in what I have read be compared to a cardiac arrest. But sitting here at the computer, or in bed, I feel ok.

Juice Fast Update

I am on day 15. Half way. I wish I could say I'm feeling great, but in light of said flareup, I'm not.

I have abandoned most of the recipes I was using, and even went to the farmers market on Saturday with out a list. I just buy what I know I'll like and try to get a good variety. I'm not spending as much because I'm getting better deals as a return customer buying so much and I've been too lazy to go to the store to get expensive berries, etc..

I won't bore you with the thought process that lead me to this decision, but I'm extending my juice fast to 6 weeks (so I guess not quite half way done..) with the 6th week juicing all day except for dinner of which will consist of super healthy whole foods.

I did have an epiphany on Sunday.. That's when I have most of my epiphanies, for obvious reasons. This juice fast, as I have said before, is turning out to be a lesson in discipline. I'm a good person by default. I naturally and with not a lot of effort on my own part do good things. Take care of people, have a strong testimony, but the buck stops there. Discipline is where I'm lacking. Which is why I have decided to extend my juice fast. Last week I cheated.. not a lot, just a bite here and a bite there, but I realized that I need to discipline myself to complete my goal with exactness. Out of principle. Because I need to learn that. I need to know that I can. I decided to write down my goal (specific and measurable) and I'm sticking to it.

Just let me be weird.

The other thing I thought about was the idea of a "reboot." like I have said before, I'm getting better about not being tempted by food that isn't good for me. Well, can't that be applied to other stimulus? So I have also decided to reboot my music preferences. When I listen to uplifting and spiritually provoking music, my thoughts are often turned toward the gospel, or service, or forgiveness, and I feel more patient, and more love toward my family. This usually happens but once a week. (Sunday.)

I have decided to go through the end of my juice fast with a music fast as well. I am only going to listen to uplifting music that invites the spirit. That doesn't mean only LDS music.. but probably a considerable amount. Just no "popular music" on Pandora, and nothing with questionable themes or lyrics. I know it's extreme. I know. Or maybe this is a discipline that comes naturally to most mature adults and I missed the boat. Either way..

My goal is that by the end of my "music fast" I'll be reset to desire that more than once a week.

I am working on my play list. There's only so much MoTab a girl can handle.. sorry, it needed to be said. I love Mindy Gledhill and have a lot of her music, but any other recommendations would be really appreciated.

What would YOU like to reboot?


  1. Wait. Who's the maniac here? No, I am so, so sorry you are enduring yet another flare up. Hopefully one of your last! It doesn't happen often (at least for me), but those small moments of feeling like you ARE doing a decent job raising your children after all are priceless. I recommend (because I can't handle "LDS" music) Harry Connick Jr, Aimee Mann, Alison Krauss, The Carpenters, Enya (you can't understand her, so who knows whether the lyrics are dirty or not?), George Winston (just piano music), Jack Johnson, Korn (just checkin' to see if you're still reading...), Neil Diamond, Stephanie Mabey. Can you tell I just went through my iTunes list alphabetically? And that, yes, Korn is actually in my library - embarrassing. As for what I would like to reboot...can I choose to reboot a person other than me? Cause everyone around me is really annoying.

  2. Sorry your flarin' up, Merica. We have some storm clouds today too and I am having MY "self-diagnosed autoimmune" flare-up as well--I usually have one once a month or so-- it has gotten so much better since my juice fast and subsequent diet change (whole foods/plant based) but it's still lurking. My eyes/brain feel goofy/strained/burning/swollen, my muscles feel drained from the minute I crawl out of bed. Hope you get feeling better. When I did the fast my brain was SO fuzzy I wouldn't have been able to keep up with a blog the way you do. Are you having any side effects or do you feel pretty good?

  3. Beethoven's Seventh. The musical equivalent to baptism; you'll feel amazed after you've listened. "The Rain Song" by Led Zeppelin, which is my all-time favorite song ever; it makes me cry and sends my heart soaring, both at the same time.

    I need to reboot my digestive system. I've been juicing too, but only sporadically, and that's not the way to lose the weight and get healthier. I need to say no to the ruffled potato chip.

    Feel better soon, Merica.

  4. I had this issue too. I had "fibromyalgia" for years, with regular horrible flare-ups. Mine turned out to be an inflammatory response to Wintergreen, which I was using in my practice daily. I figured it out by accident, by putting my family on stage one of the Feingold program, which not only eliminates artificial flavors and colors and preservatives, but also natural salicylates. When you move to stage two, you start slowly adding back in some of the produce that is high in salicylates.

    No more flare-ups, and no more constant plantar-fasciitis either.

    1. Oh, Ariana, that is SO interesting! Wouldn't it be amazing to see how many people could be cured of fibromyalgia just by discovering what they are allergic to? Wow. The possibilities! So glad you discovered your trigger.

  5. I love this reboot idea-- and the music one is a good one. Look up some Matisyahu. I know, weird name. Just wait until you hear what genre he's in: wait for it.... Hasidic Reggae! Can you even imagine a more uplifting genre? The upbeat happiness of reggae combined with spiritual devotion of Hasidic Jewishness. He's great, I really like his stuff. really, try it. I know our music taste doesn't always cross paths, but maybe this time....